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Dating – You’re Doing It Wrong: How Dating Apps and Online Dating Have Ruined Love

Posted on January 23, 2021

There is no denying that mobile dating apps and online dating services are a part of our society. Lots of us lead busy lives and yearn to meet someone special, so why not use the power of modern technology to help us do so? But these methods of dating and meeting romantic interests are flawed; they go against how we as humans are meant to form relationships. Below are six reasons online dating sucks…and six ways you can skip the heartache. Unlike your last Tinder date, we won’t leave you hanging.

1. Time Consuming

Giving it the time of day. Tinder and similar dating apps are designed for speed, yet one of the most common complaints of singles using these dating apps is the time commitment. Many users report that online or mobile dating feels like a part-time job. In fact, this might not be an exaggeration. Users in the 18 to 30 age group (which makes up the largest proportion of dating app users) spend as much as 20 hours a week on dating apps. 

So, the system of swiping that was built for speed—judging and either dismissing or accepting users within seconds (after all, our smartphone-dependent society has trained our bodies to handle lots of thumb-swiping reps without breaking a sweat)—is still a huge timesuck. While it’s a lot quicker to scroll, swipe, or tap than it is to actually go out in the world and interact with the same number of individuals IRL, this system built for quantity does not equal quality. Users lose several hours a day not only by swiping through mismatches, but also by investing time in conversations with so many matches that don’t lead to anything real. A whopping one-third of online dating users have never gone on a date in person with anyone they’ve met online. And what, we ask, is the point of that? Your time is valuable. You shouldn’t have to clear your calendar just to get to know someone nice.

How CardDate® is different: There’s no getting sucked into a virtual world of falsely perfect profiles, and you won’t be delving into hundreds of different conversations before even deciding to meet. Just go about your day as normal and hand your card to the people you meet who intrigue you, and go from there!

2. Dissatisfaction

I can’t get no satisfaction. We invest all this time—and money—into online dating only to be, quite often, disappointed or dissatisfied. The flash-in-the-pan, rapid-fire judgment we’ve been trained to develop and the vast number of choices we see have left us suffering from what is known as the paradox of choice, or choice overload. We have seemingly infinite possible matches to choose from, which may seem great, but, in addition to costing us time, the paradox of choice hinders our ability to find the perfect mate. 

Because it feels like we have unlimited matches to choose from, we’ve become much pickier and more judgmental. Even if we do accept a possible match, many users are left doubting their decisions, much like trying to select one out of twenty types of olive oil on the shelf of a grocery store (but multiply that by millions). Tinder, Bumble, – they’ve all trained users to operate under the impression that if they just keep swiping or clicking through their matches, they will eventually find the perfect one—that sought-after love at first profile sight. Giving the time of day to anyone who delivers anything less than that feels like settling. This has resulted in 45% of users feeling more frustrated from their online or mobile dating experience, versus only 28% who feel hopeful according to Pew Research Center.

How CardDate® is different: Getting fewer matches is a good thing. By picking from people you meet in real life, you have a much more realistic concept of who these people are and who you want to be with.

3. Mismatches

Like two different types of socks. Most people join dating apps for the opportunity to meet and connect with people they might not otherwise get to, thereby increasing their chances of meeting someone special. But don’t get your hopes too high. The way apps like Tinder and Bumble work encourages lying and superficiality in an attempt to seem more attractive or present oneself in a way that will attract people to them. With so many other users to compete against and stand out from, there’s a huge pressure to present your best (read: unrealistically supermodel hot, funny, and successful) self in a way that can win someone over in a split second. 

This, in turn, leads to frequent mismatching and failed first dates. These first dates often feel more like interviews—desperate attempts to actually get to know who these people are. Many users complain that they keep getting matched with the wrong people, which happens because of the limitations of the algorithms in conjunction with the way users are encouraged to misrepresent themselves. These incompatible matches harken back to the disappointment and wasted time that is rampant in online dating.

How CardDate® is different: You are in control of your matches. You give your card to people you’ve actually already had the chance to meet and talk to, giving you a much better idea of who they are and how compatible you might be.

4. Disproportionate

Not adding up. If it’s a numbers game, you still won’t see much success from a dating app…especially as a heterosexual male looking for a female partner. The figures out there vary, but one source posits that male Tinder users outnumber female users 9 to 1, with another study finding that a male profile on Tinder received 100 matches in the same time (one hour) a female profile received 600. This is nowhere near a reflection of the real world, where we have a population that is close to 50/50 male to female. Even Bumble, which is considered a “female-friendly” dating app, has a user population made up of less than 20% females. This is probably a huge contributor to 43% of men reporting that they don’t get enough messages from their dating profile and 30% of women reporting that they receive too many messages according to Pew Research Center. Those numbers aren’t good for anyone.

How CardDate® is different: You’re making those potential matches in real life, where the population is equal parts male and female (which matters whether you’re cisgender heterosexual or not). The people you give cards to do not have to download an app or sign up for a special service to connect with you.

5. Harassment

Do not disturb. The disproportionate numbers lead us to another major problem: harassment. Due to multiple factors including the disproportionate number of men using these services and lack of regulating policies, women are not unlikely to feel harassed when using dating apps. It’s true that some people just suck and are just as likely to shout lewd comments or make obscene gestures anywhere. However, it is the belief of many users that if someone is on a dating app or online service, they must be looking for sex, even with total strangers. 

The reality is that different users join these services for different reasons, ranging from friendships to companionship and serious relationships to casual encounters and hookups, but this misplaced assumption that advances are welcome by default contributes to problems for female dating app users. According to Pew Research Center, 48% of women continued to get messages after they told someone they weren’t interested, 46% received sexually explicit content they didn’t want, and 33% have been called an offensive name. In addition to harassment that ranges from unpleasant to seriously upsetting and is never okay, there are other safety and comfort problems with online dating services including catfishing, meeting dangerous strangers, and even technical security problems. It’s just not worth it.

How CardDate® is different: You choose who you connect with, whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of the card. Both individuals must consent to begin messaging through CardDate. And any time you change your mind, you can easily end the conversation or block someone. Learn more about our safety features here.

6. Lack of Success

“Living in your mother’s basement at 35” bad. All this trouble, and there’s virtually no gold to speak of in the pot at the end of this drab-colored rainbow. For folks looking for something real, something that could potentially turn into a serious relationship, don’t hold your breath with Tinder, Bumble, or other dating apps. Farmers Only has the highest success rate of all online dating, and they boast a 2.4% success rate (interestingly, this platform also has the highest proportion of female users) while Tinder comes in at a meager 0.6% rate of success. Even when a match is deemed “good enough” to warrant giving it a chance, relationships where the partners first met online were 28% more likely to break up within their first year than those who met in person and married couples who met online are three times more likely to get divorced than couples who met face-to-face.

How CardDate® is different: You’re meeting face to face. The numbers show that these relationships are significantly more successful. We’re just making it easier and safer to connect and explore these everyday connections.

Don’t let dating apps ruin love for you. Make your move with CardDate®

The numbers are grim. So keep it in your pants…pocket (we’re talking about your phone). It’s clear that mobile dating apps and online dating just don’t work for most people and they’re not equipped to. There may be some success stories out there, but they are few and far between when you consider the number of users looking for love on these dating sites and apps and the outrageous number of hours invested in fielding matches. We are much better off investing our time and attention in the people who are in front of us, the ones we can actually get to know before we dive into an intimate relationship. And now, with CardDate®, that is possible in a whole new way. Start connecting IRL today!